God is gracious in his dealings with his people. He is good in all his ways and he gives good gifts to his children. Marriage is one of the greatest of these gifts. There are so many good things about Christian marriage. The peace and joy found in a biblical union is perhaps unparalleled. I could use this entire post to list positive characteristics of this kind of relationship, but I would rather begin with this premise in order to talk about an area of the marriage relationship that is far too often overlooked. I am referring to good communication, specifically in the context of disagreement.
Now I should mention how vitally important communication is in all areas of a relationship, but it can become painfully obvious very rapidly whenever there is disagreement. Emotions have begun to rise and sensitivity is at an all time high. The potential for misunderstanding increases and tone of voice becomes even more important. There are so many things that could go wrong at this point. In fact, at this point, it is likely many things have already gone wrong. So why do I even bring up all this stuff? Well, I’m glad you asked. Let me share a personal experience.
Recently my wife and I had a little disagreement. Now, we have been married for twenty-three years and we have three wonderful children, so this was not the first time, but it was the most recent time. We were looking at a particular situation from two different perspectives and we definitely did not see eye to eye. So how did we handle our little difference of opinion? Well, I would love to tell you we both maintained our composure and we treated each other with kindness as we sorted through the areas of disagreement. Unfortunately, this was not the case. Without going into too much detail, I will just say we had both placed a higher priority on defending our positions than we had on resolving the dispute in godly way.
I share this personal experience for a couple reasons. First, it would be beyond the realm of insanity to think a Pastor and his wife are somehow immune from arguments, much less struggling to resolve arguments in the proper way. Second, it is important to understand the root cause of failing to practice biblical conflict resolution. The root cause, of course, is sin, but specifically it is the sin of pride which is to blame. Pride causes a person to value their own opinion more than they value another human being. Pride causes a person to value winning an argument more than they value the gospel. I can tell you based on personal experience, but more importantly, based on the authority of God’s Word, it is ALWAYS sinful to behave in a prideful manner. Nothing good ever comes from a prideful attitude.
I offer one final thought to this brief monologue. Pride was in play when the enemy tempted Adam and Eve to disobey God in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:1-7). Pride was in play when the enemy tempted Jesus in the wilderness (Luke 4:1-13). Pride is in play when the enemy tempts you and me to act in a way contrary to that which brings glory and honor to the Savior King. Hear the words of the Apostle John, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world–the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life–is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever” (1 John 2:15-17).
Pride is a dangerous thing and it always precedes a fall. Be on your guard.